It is an in-built human instinct within all of us to move away from painful experiences and seek pleasant ones, as it is necessary for our self-protection and growth.

The wisdom passed down through generations says that we should not associate or socialize with undesirable characters in society, as they have the potential of pulling us down. We should be ruthless in saying no to spending time with such people, and as the saying goes – it is better to have an intelligent enemy than a foolish friend.

Elon Musk, the richest man in the world, is famous for firing staff on the spot if he finds that they were not efficient. I am not sure if that has been a secret of his success in business ventures. But the saying one rotten apple can spoil the whole barrel has some truth in it. If we are good too and forgiving of a failing employee and treat them as well as the hard-working, it will affect the morale of other staff.

However, I have come across very efficient managers who do not shun underperforming and negative people. Their goal is to get decent work out of bad people. They want to help inefficient and negative people become efficient and positive. They are also mindful that a person who is inefficient in one way may be efficient in another, and they want to help that employee play on their strengths rather than forcing them to work in areas where they are weak.

A friend of mine suggested a rough guide to me, he said, ask yourself what Jesus would do in this situation. Or what would you do if the person was your family member? I already know the answer irrespective of how bad a situation could be, but that would be a tall order for me and the process of going through that may be damaging to my psyche if the going gets tough.

When it comes to marrying someone, you will not want to say yes to a less-than-desirable person, why would you do that to your business, your health, your family, or your finances when choosing an employee, a doctor, an accountant, a teacher for your kids, or a plumber. It makes sense to make compromises if we have failed to find highly desirable and efficient people, but not before making reasonable efforts to find the right person.

Lord Jesus and all other saints sought the company of lepers, destitute, poor, homeless, and dying people. One might argue that they were evolved souls and could not be affected by the negativities of these people, but an ordinary person cannot afford to do that. However, even for an ordinary person one can say that confronting painful experiences is also a growth-promoting activity as it promotes resilience and stress tolerance. These individuals offer you an opportunity to develop your tolerance, patience, and compassion and help reduce your anger and feelings of being contemptuous and rejecting.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

Carl Gustav Jung saw an opportunity here when he said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”  According to Hindu Philosophy, they offer you an opportunity to earn good karmas. In a speech in South Africa in 1890 Mahatma Gandhi said the following – What is a customer?

“A customer is the most important visitor on our premises, he is not dependent on us. We are dependent on him. He is not an interruption of our work. He is the purpose of it. He is not an outsider to our business. He is part of it. We are not doing him a favour by serving him. He is doing us a favour by giving us the opportunity to do so.”

The two scenarios discussed earlier are extreme examples that we may not be able to relate to fully, but at a subtle level, we must face this conflict in our everyday life and make a choice whether we want to associate with a certain person as an acquaintance or a friend. Whether they should be on our invite list and whether we should accept their invitations to meet them socially. Whether to stop a particular worker from doing repairs in our house or to allow an employee to continue working for us. Whether to stick around in a job and put up with a difficult boss or to look for another job, etc.

Whilst working in public sector organisations, we cannot go on refusing to collaborate with clients, colleagues, and bosses who we do not like. A certain amount of maturity is required to be able to deal with all sorts of people, and that is a desirable attribute to climb up the corporate ladder.

The arguments supportive of carrying on collaborating with difficult individuals would be as follows: –

• They may be efficient, and I have not got the full picture yet.
• Things may change in future as they have the capacity to change, and it may be too early to judge them.
• It improves our ability to deal with all sorts of people if we deal with them.
• Politics demands that we should be able to deal with them at a superficial level even though deep down we could do without seeing them.
• Nobody is perfect, we cannot expect everyone in society or in our organisation to be perfect.
• We can do without them now, but we may need them at a later stage and quite possible that at that stage we will be willing to put up with their idiosyncrasies, which we find intolerable now. This happens in certain marriages where one is intolerant of their spouse and the marriage ends after a few years and the second marriage may meet the same fate, but in my opinion, people don’t go on divorce, although there are some exceptions, and settle down with their second or third spouse, not because they have found their soulmate but because they have learnt to adjust.

Coming back to the original conflict – to put up or walk away, in most situations, one can do both and should not feel under pressure to settle for only one stance.

I have seen that people keep on tolerating undesirable behaviour from the other person silently and are not comfortable discussing things openly. They reach a point where they burst out with anger and walk away on an impulse.

We could do well if we do not reject the person but their undesirable behaviour unless the risks are too many and serious. The rejection of the behaviour should happen at the very start, and it requires a bit of tolerance, openness, honesty, courage, and compassion. Be willing to put up with the discomfort, even if it means stretching your boundaries a bit. Rejecting the person should be the last resort and a second or third chance should also be considered if the situation demands at some stage in future if things appear different.

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