However, from a psychological point of view what is more important here is the psychological impact the event has had on us.

One may have achieved the results one wanted, but if, in the process, one created strong negative emotions

One may have achieved the results one wanted, but if, in the process, they created strong negative emotions, these very emotions will become a handicap to them in the future. One may have passed the exams but if in the process they started suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, the outcome cannot be considered satisfactory. The happiness of passing the exams will be eaten up by panic attacks.

This psychological perspective will encourage us to reflect on what the psychological antecedent of the situation was, what emotions were created whilst managing the situation, and what the psychological sequelae were of the incident, both short-term and long-term.

It is our emotional responsiveness that produces suffering and not the actual situation or our response to them.

We may find that the problem situation had originated from our or someone else’s past actions, and those actions were triggered by certain emotions that one was experiencing. An emotionally neutral mind is less likely to produce an action that can be harmful to oneself or to others. We find that the initial action was either prompted by greed/craving or aversion, and one had lost one’s equanimity (emotional neutrality or balance of mind). Remaining equanimous all the time is a way of preventing harmful things from happening to us and minimizing the impact of adverse things happening to us.

If we are going through an adverse situation or if the negative has already happened, we can use the following strategies in dealing with it.

Coping strategies

Allowing the mind to dwell on the subject matter in the initial stages, and not fighting with oneself too much keeps the rest of the mind not involved in the emotions, free.

• Setting aside time slots for engaging with and disengaging from stressful situations in a planned manner. Some call setting aside “worrying time” every day when one tries to confront all their worries.
• Breath awareness sessions can help one distance oneself from negative thoughts and have an objective view of the problem.
• Ask yourself in what ways my perception of the magnitude of the problem is exaggerated and in what ways I am minimizing it.
• Never let go of one’s equanimity, and there are no exceptions to this rule, not even in an emergency as that is where it is needed the most. Loss of equanimity compromises our ability to deal with a given situation and the emotional reactions created in the process can become shackles that we will have to deal with later.
• It may be that the tricky situations are an opportunity for us to develop our equanimity further, as otherwise, we would not know how strong our equanimity is and how to develop it.
• One can analyze past events to learn some lessons, but it is best not to dwell on them too much and at the same time accept the occurrence of the problem in one’s life as originating from one’s own destiny. This acceptance is not the end point of one’s efforts but the beginning of it. As one has the job of undoing that destiny on their hands now.
• Seeing the people who were instrumental in creating the problem as only the medium, and things had happened through them. They originated from your destiny and not from those individuals. That will help you drop all feelings of animosity and ill-will towards them.
• Switch to Surrender mode. It is important to understand this surrender mode properly, otherwise, it can become fatalistic. You are not surrendering your actions as they are required to correct the situation. You are only surrendering your preoccupation with the results, positive or negative, the thoughts such as – what would be the outcome, when will the results come, what if they do not come, etc, and do not set any time scale to it. There is a little Zen story here to elucidate the surrender experience, this is an extreme example of surrender. There was a Zen master named Hakuin who lived on the outskirts of a village. In the same village, a beautiful girl got pregnant and gave birth to a child outside wedlock, and her parents got furious demanding to know who the father was. The frightened girl not wanting to divulge the name of her boyfriend pointed to Hakuin. The angry parents then confronted the Zen master and demanded that he take care of the child. Hakuin said calmly, “is that so?” and accepted the responsibility of the child. He took diligent care of the child. After several months, the girl could not live with herself and the lie that she had told and confessed to her parents that the real father was a boy in the village. Her parent immediately rushed to the Zen master apologizing and explaining what had happened. Hakuin said, “is that so?” and handed them the child. Hakuin was equanimous when he was alone, he was equanimous when the accusations were being made, he was equanimous when he was looking after the child, and he was equanimous when the child was gone.
• Guru Arjun Dev, a Sikh guru’s, last words were Tera Bhana Meetha Lage, which means – “Whatever Your (the lord) Will, I find sweet.” You cannot find bad situations sweet unless you have understood things more deeply and have achieved a state of mind.
• Yogananda and Indian spirituals and many other saints from almost all religions have said, “sorrow comes into our lives for a purpose. It is the way to real happiness; sorrow is a great teacher. Your trials did not come to punish you, but to awaken you.”
• Difficulties come in our lives to force us to do the right things that we fail to do voluntarily. It is like a mother locking away chocolates seeing that the child is not stopping to eat them. Indian president Draupdi Murmu once said, “problems come because we have deviated from the path, and they gently guide us back to the right path.”
• The Bhagvad Gita, an Indian scripture, tells us that we must achieve a state of mind where we remain unaffected by financial gains or losses, fame or disgrace, success or failures, sickness or health, and all other worldly gains and losses. That is possible only when one has acquired the ability to tap into one’s inner consciousness and experience bliss and joy. If one has achieved that state of mind even if partially, one can face any external situation with equanimity.
• Seeing all situations as temporary and offering us an opportunity for personal development will motivate us to make the most of the situation in front of us.

Consultant Psychiatrist, Emotions Clinic, Education and Training Centre, Stoke on Trent ST5 6DS, England www.undoyourstress.com www.emotionsclinic.co

Allowing the mind to dwell on the subject matter in the initial stages, and not fighting with oneself too much keeps the rest of the mind not involved in the emotions, free.

• Setting aside time slots for engaging with and disengaging from stressful situations in a planned manner. Some call setting aside “worrying time” every day when one tries to confront all their worries.
• Breath awareness sessions can help one distance oneself from negative thoughts and have an objective view of the problem.
• Ask yourself in what ways my perception of the magnitude of the problem is exaggerated and in what ways I am minimizing it.
• Never let go of one’s equanimity, and there are no exceptions to this rule, not even in an emergency as that is where it is needed the most. Loss of equanimity compromises our ability to deal with a given situation and the emotional reactions created in the process can become shackles that we will have to deal with later.
• It may be that the tricky situations are an opportunity for us to develop our equanimity further, as otherwise, we would not know how strong our equanimity is and how to develop it.
• One can analyze past events to learn some lessons, but it is best not to dwell on them too much and at the same time accept the occurrence of the problem in one’s life as originating from one’s own destiny. This acceptance is not the end point of one’s efforts but the beginning of it. As one has the job of undoing that destiny on their hands now.
• Seeing the people who were instrumental in creating the problem as only the medium, and things had happened through them. They originated from your destiny and not from those individuals. That will help you drop all feelings of animosity and ill-will towards them.
• Switch to Surrender mode. It is important to understand this surrender mode properly, otherwise, it can become fatalistic. You are not surrendering your actions as they are required to correct the situation. You are only surrendering your preoccupation with the results, positive or negative, the thoughts such as – what would be the outcome, when will the results come, what if they do not come, etc, and do not set any time scale to it. There is a little Zen story here to elucidate the surrender experience, this is an extreme example of surrender. There was a Zen master named Hakuin who lived on the outskirts of a village. In the same village, a beautiful girl got pregnant and gave birth to a child outside wedlock, and her parents got furious demanding to know who the father was. The frightened girl not wanting to divulge the name of her boyfriend pointed to Hakuin. The angry parents then confronted the Zen master and demanded that he take care of the child. Hakuin said calmly, “is that so?” and accepted the responsibility of the child. He took diligent care of the child. After several months, the girl could not live with herself and the lie that she had told and confessed to her parents that the real father was a boy in the village. Her parent immediately rushed to the Zen master apologizing and explaining what had happened. Hakuin said, “is that so?” and handed them the child. Hakuin was equanimous when he was alone, he was equanimous when the accusations were being made, he was equanimous when he was looking after the child, and he was equanimous when the child was gone.
• Guru Arjun Dev, a Sikh guru’s, last words were Tera Bhana Meetha Lage, which means – “Whatever Your (the lord) Will, I find sweet.” You cannot find bad situations sweet unless you have understood things more deeply and have achieved a state of mind.
• Yogananda and Indian spirituals and many other saints from almost all religions have said, “sorrow comes into our lives for a purpose. It is the way to real happiness; sorrow is a great teacher. Your trials did not come to punish you, but to awaken you.”
• Difficulties come in our lives to force us to do the right things that we fail to do voluntarily. It is like a mother locking away chocolates seeing that the child is not stopping to eat them. Indian president Draupdi Murmu once said, “problems come because we have deviated from the path, and they gently guide us back to the right path.”
• The Bhagvad Gita, an Indian scripture, tells us that we must achieve a state of mind where we remain unaffected by financial gains or losses, fame or disgrace, success or failures, sickness or health, and all other worldly gains and losses. That is possible only when one has acquired the ability to tap into one’s inner consciousness and experience bliss and joy. If one has achieved that state of mind even if partially, one can face any external situation with equanimity.
• Seeing all situations as temporary and offering us an opportunity for personal development will motivate us to make the most of the situation in front of us.

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