Wise persons, therefore, recommend that success should be seen in terms of the successful completion of the tasks rather than achieving a certain result. A genuine and positive effort is going to bring a positive result eventually.

Another dimension that comes into play is what goals you are setting for yourself. Elizabeth Day, a British podcaster, explains failure as – when things do not go according to our plan, we call it a failure. Someone else has described failure as a by-product of your social expectations. Perhaps making such plans was a failure, and the plan not being successful was a real success, what they say a blessing in disguise.

Normally we have several goals in life which compete with each other. People who are highly successful and achievers in a particular field may have achieved a certain goal at an exceedingly high personal cost in terms of their health, inner peace, compromise with their ethical and moral values, etc, and will be paying a very high price for their so-called success later in terms of losses and difficulties.

Success should also be measured not just in terms of what one has achieved, but what negative outcomes have been prevented.

Success should also be measured not just in terms of what one has achieved, but what negative outcomes have been prevented. A relative of mine was complaining about things that he had achieved in life. He said, “I’ve been practicing meditation and leading a healthy lifestyle for so many years, but I can see people who have not been doing those right things are getting ahead of me in terms of their place in life.”  My explanation for that was, you have only seen just a few aspects of that person’s life, you have not examined the whole of their life under a microscope. It is quite likely that you are not suffering from any serious illness that may have occurred in the absence of practicing meditation and leading a healthy lifestyle. Whereas the successful people that you are comparing yourself with may be struggling on several other fronts i.e., health, relationships, inner well-being, etc that you are not even aware of. Secondly, it is quite possible that your starting point was different from that person’s starting point. We tend to make certain assumptions of what happiness means in the world in terms of being rich, in stable employment, in stable marriages, and well connected with family and friends, but a closer look may reveal something different.

Lata Mangeshkar, the nightingale of Indian music, was once asked in an interview what she would like to be in her next life. Her answer was quite unexpected. She said, “I would not like to be born again if possible. But if there has to be another life, I would not like to be born as Lata Mangeshkar or a singer. When asked why, she said, “only I know how difficult it is to be Lata Mangeshkar.” Although she had achieved the ultimate in terms of name, fame, admiration of several generations in several countries, money, professional satisfaction, creativity, talent, etc, those achievements did not mean much to her and she was willing to give that away for something normal, ordinary, and anonymity that most people do not feel enthused about.

Those who are working do not want to work, and the unemployed crave to have employment,

Those who are very well-connected in society crave solitude, and those who lead an isolated life or are on the fringe of society want to be more social.

Those who are highly successful in their career want to make their lives quite simple, and those who run quite simple jobs/businesses want to grow their business and build an empire.

Those who do not have children feel incomplete and those who have so many children also feel incomplete.

After a while, the sweetness of success disappears, when new goals replace the old ones, making us vulnerable to experiencing further failures and heartaches.

Coming back to the definition of failure, if you make no personal life goals or plans you cannot fail.

Coming back to the definition of failure, if you make no personal life goals or plans you cannot fail. It does not mean you will not be working on some goal, but they will be impersonal ones. If you can take personal things in an impersonal way there will still be failures and successes, but they will not be personal and will not lead to upsetting emotions. One can argue that one will be deprived of the joys of success. True but the joys of equanimity i.e., being in a balanced frame of mind, are much greater and satisfying than the joys of external achievement, as you can tap into the inner joy more easily.

It is therefore important to reflect on one’s “perceived failures” and say to oneself, “even if I had achieved that particular thing l would have been unhappy without doing some inner work” and that inner work can be done without external achievement.

Happy marriages happen when one has done that inner work,

Relationships give happiness when one has done that inner work,

Money gives happiness when one has done that inner work,

Jobs give satisfaction when one has done that inner work,

Social life gives happiness when one has done that inner work,

Being famous gives happiness when one has done that inner work, and so on.

But if one has already done that inner work, one is happy irrespective of having all the above.

It is therefore important to measure one’s success in life in terms of that inner work, and we must examine what that inner work entails.

• Being your authentic self.
• Not compromising on your integrity.
• Always have the intention to help others, and be compassionate all the time.
• Doing your best in each situation and not being preoccupied with the results.
• Working towards something that is not temporary or impermanent
• Taking relationships and other human beings seriously
• Not taking things personally.
• Remaining equanimous

Failures would be defined as – compromising on your ethical and moral values, not being your authentic self, losing your equanimity and compassion for others, etc.

I have come across a saying that – your outer life reflects your inner self, I do not think that is entirely true, as many highly successful people are very unhappy and restless inside. The entire world looks up to them, but they are deeply unhappy souls.

However, the way a person conducts themselves in the outer world does reflect their inner self their walk is gentle and graceful, their smile is uplifting and infectious, their voice is soothing and their talk polite,  their eyes are softer and calm, and their speech is to the point and in few words, they feel less tired, they sleep well, they eat less, they are not over-ambitious in a worldly sense, they don’t try to dominate a discussion, they are less judgmental about others and have no need to correct people at every step, they are fair in their dealings with others, they have no desire to be rich, famous, powerful, etc.

That is a real success and not being able to do that is a real failure.

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