Is it Okay to Live on Hopes?
Overview
Those of us who give up hope of winning are already defeated.
What will you say to a student who is doing a multiple-choice question paper and is on question number six but is thinking about question number nine?
For God’s sake forget about question number nine, just pay your full attention to question number six, and if you can sort this question out with your full attention, there is hope that you will do well when you arrive at question number nine. If you can’t focus on question number six, what is the hope that you will be able to focus on question number nine?
If you have sorted your today, your tomorrow is already sorted to a significant extent, as tomorrow is the child of today.
One can argue it the other way around as well, it is the hope of a better life that helps us accept and tolerate our present. We all hope to get rid of our illnesses and overcome our shortcomings and failures one day rather than accept that it is not going to happen.
We all live on hopes, it may not be a good idea to let go of all our hopes, as that would be stagnation, it has been said that it is the hope of getting help from others that helps us more than the actual help that we have received from them or can receive in future.
Those of us who give up hope of winning are already defeated. Sports persons are taught how to imagine winning the game when playing, and martial art fighters, who try to break a brick with their bare hands, are asked to visualize their hand passing through the brick. That is living in an imagined future.
However, living on hope can also mean that we are not living fully in the present, fantasising about the future can compromise our ability to deal with the present which may need our full attention.
People who believe in reincarnation can accept the unwanted things in their present life, as the desire for the things they want is something they can put off. Those who believe in heaven can put up with all the hardships of this earthly life, as they have a sense of belonging to that kingdom of heaven and not this world.
In Freud’s words, – his majesty lord of the nursery
Early in life a child lives with a feeling of narcissism, he thinks he is omnipotent, he is, in Freud’s words, – his majesty lord of the nursery. However, during the separation and individuation phase, the ego of the child begins to develop and he understands that he is separate from others. But still feels everything that is good is me, and everything that is bad is not me. All that is bad and painful is projected onto this world and all that is good in the “not my world” is introjected into self (Don Carveth, self-esteem – YouTube). Some people have been stuck in that state all their lives which makes them critical of everyone around them.
The next maturation stage is when one owns one’s fault and recognizes badness within and surrenders the idea of perfection, but in order to be able to bear the imperfection in the self, he creates a fantasy for the future, that future he will be perfect, and this is called ego ideal. That is like living in the future. According to psychoanalytic thinking, letting go of ego ideals is a healthy state of mind.
However, an Indian story on spirituality says just the opposite. In that story, a dancer sings a song in a king’s court in the middle of the night – the meaning of which goes like this – you have waited so long, you have come so far, don’t give up, don’t let go, most of the night is gone, the break of dawn is not far.
Everyone in the court gets some important lessons from that song for their own lives –
The king was going to surrender to the enemy who was attacking his kingdom, he firms up his resolve to fight.
The king’s son who was planning a coup as he had waited long enough to become the king abandons his idea of revolting.
The king’s brother, who was losing his patience with his wife and wanted to remarry, plans to work on his marriage rather than bring another bride.
The king’s minister, who was waiting for his promotion, and had decided to accept a more lucrative job with the enemy, decides to let go of that plan.
After the song is over, they all reward the dancer richly.
Conclusion
It may be that living in the future is deeply ingrained in the human psyche, and the idea of happiness is linked with thoughts of the future, perhaps due to faulty learning, and one develops a tendency to look towards the future for happiness. When the future becomes present the magic is gone and the quest continues.
A monkey who has grabbed a fruit will put it aside and try to grab another one, we are no different from that monkey. When the future becomes present, we at once change our goalposts. This applies to the field of positive psychology and spirituality; the quest for knowledge, overcoming one’s imperfections, building resilience, developing compassion for others, etc are lifelong endeavors.
A futuristic orientation and an impulse to grow are built-in in a seed to become a tree, and we are no different.
Our behaviors can be understood not just in terms of the causes from our past but also from the reason that point towards our futuristic thinking and possibilities.
If you have sorted your today, your tomorrow is already sorted to a significant extent, as tomorrow is the child of today.
One can argue it the other way around as well, it is the hope of a better life that helps us accept and tolerate our present. We all hope to get rid of our illnesses and overcome our shortcomings and failures one day rather than accept that it is not going to happen.
We all live on hopes, it may not be a good idea to let go of all our hopes, as that would be stagnation, it has been said that it is the hope of getting help from others that helps us more than the actual help that we have received from them or can receive in future.
Those of us who give up hope of winning are already defeated. Sports persons are taught how to imagine winning the game when playing, and martial art fighters, who try to break a brick with their bare hands, are asked to visualize their hand passing through the brick. That is living in an imagined future.
However, living on hope can also mean that we are not living fully in the present, fantasising about the future can compromise our ability to deal with the present which may need our full attention.
People who believe in reincarnation can accept the unwanted things in their present life, as the desire for the things they want is something they can put off. Those who believe in heaven can put up with all the hardships of this earthly life, as they have a sense of belonging to that kingdom of heaven and not this world.
In Freud’s words, – his majesty lord of the nursery
Early in life a child lives with a feeling of narcissism, he thinks he is omnipotent, he is, in Freud’s words, – his majesty lord of the nursery. However, during the separation and individuation phase, the ego of the child begins to develop and he understands that he is separate from others. But still feels everything that is good is me, and everything that is bad is not me. All that is bad and painful is projected onto this world and all that is good in the “not my world” is introjected into self (Don Carveth, self-esteem – YouTube). Some people have been stuck in that state all their lives which makes them critical of everyone around them.
The next maturation stage is when one owns one’s fault and recognizes badness within and surrenders the idea of perfection, but in order to be able to bear the imperfection in the self, he creates a fantasy for the future, that future he will be perfect, and this is called ego ideal. That is like living in the future. According to psychoanalytic thinking, letting go of ego ideals is a healthy state of mind.
However, an Indian story on spirituality says just the opposite. In that story, a dancer sings a song in a king’s court in the middle of the night – the meaning of which goes like this – you have waited so long, you have come so far, don’t give up, don’t let go, most of the night is gone, the break of dawn is not far.
Everyone in the court gets some important lessons from that song for their own lives –
The king was going to surrender to the enemy who was attacking his kingdom, he firms up his resolve to fight.
The king’s son who was planning a coup as he had waited long enough to become the king abandons his idea of revolting.
The king’s brother, who was losing his patience with his wife and wanted to remarry, plans to work on his marriage rather than bring another bride.
The king’s minister, who was waiting for his promotion, and had decided to accept a more lucrative job with the enemy, decides to let go of that plan.
After the song is over, they all reward the dancer richly.
Conclusion
It may be that living in the future is deeply ingrained in the human psyche, and the idea of happiness is linked with thoughts of the future, perhaps due to faulty learning, and one develops a tendency to look towards the future for happiness. When the future becomes present the magic is gone and the quest continues.
A monkey who has grabbed a fruit will put it aside and try to grab another one, we are no different from that monkey. When the future becomes present, we at once change our goalposts. This applies to the field of positive psychology and spirituality; the quest for knowledge, overcoming one’s imperfections, building resilience, developing compassion for others, etc are lifelong endeavors.
A futuristic orientation and an impulse to grow are built-in in a seed to become a tree, and we are no different.
Our behaviors can be understood not just in terms of the causes from our past but also from the reason that point towards our futuristic thinking and possibilities.
